There was a period in my life when I hit rock bottom. There was very few people I could turn to and they were all busy living their own lives. I felt like I was on my own and I was burdening my family with the problems I created. You know how I was able to cope back then? I went to a place where I could hear myself think. A place where I could analyze the things that happened and where I could unburden all the stuff inside my heart and mind.

I went to church almost every day during that period!

I found that being inside the church when it’s almost empty can help a lot if you are feeling burdened and in need of a quiet place. You also feel so near the Creator when inside the church and you can freely talk to Him and tell Him everything that is bothering you. It helped me a lot. It made everything a little bit better every time I was inside the church. After at least an hour or two inside, I felt light. I felt that I was getting near solution of my problems.

And you know what? I did. It took a while but I was able to solve my problems and I was able to get pass that dark period of my life.

I was hopping to blogs that left comments on a Mellow Yellow Monday entry I posted in another blog of mine. One entry that made me pause was of a little yellow toy car. It reminded me of my brother W who passed away when he was just 15. He died due to leukemia. He’s 4th among us kids but the oldest son (our youngest is a boy as well). He’s my dad’s junior. Can you imagine how devastating it was for us family who only experienced high fevers and chicken pox but nothing life-threatening and then all of a sudden one member of the family was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer?

He was given a few months to live. He died six months after he was diagnosed. He fought a good fight but cancer was stronger. He was comatose and crying before he breathed his last. It will forever be in my mind.

How I miss my brother! We were close and I was the one who was there with him when my parents had to go home and attend to the other siblings. I can only imagine how life will be totally different for us had he been still alive now.

Hahaha! I find this one really funny. It brought back so many memories of the past when CD was not yet the medium used to carry songs but cassette tapes. Remember the Walkman powered by batteries? To conserve the power of the batteries, if you wanted to rewind or forward a cassette tape, you didn’t use the Walkman but rather a pencil that you would insert through those holes to “manually” rewind or forward the tape. Hahahaha! I am sure if you are of the same age as me (33) or older, you have experienced manually rewinding a cassette tape.

Ahh… those were the days! Now it’s all about digital. You don’t need a Walkman anymore to play a tape. You download songs to your iPod and just play it. You don’t buy batteries as much anymore because most gadgets have batteries that are rechargeable.

When I was a kid, I had dreams of owning my very own treehouse. Nothing grand, mind you. Just a platform up a tree branch where I could sit and read. Or where I could spy on every one walking under the tree. You know how kids are. I was a typical one. But my dreams was not meant to be. Since we live in the city, we really didn’t have a big tree that I could use. I made do with a small tree that I could climb.

When I saw the photo above, my dream of a treehouse came back. How I wish I can stay in one. Even for a day or two.

It’s funny how memories of the past would creep unnoticed, triggered by something you see on tv. Flag raising. I remember how funny it was back in high school to see the class clown raising the flag during flag ceremony. A round of giggles would be heard being suppressed among me and my friends. I was a teacher’s pet but I was also a little devil back then. I would start a lot of the raucous back then and the teachers would never know it was me.

I was just laughing a while ago and thinking of how the class clowns would try to be serious for a change. And just when you thought they’re being serious, you’d see their shoulders shaking slightly out of mirth.

Hahaha!

It’s really different when mom’s still alive. The house was always clean and orderly. Every little knick-knack had a place of its own. Beddings and linens were changed every so often. Our rooms were always in order. In short, there’s order in the chaos that was our home.

Our super mom!

Now, it’s an effort for us to put the house together. I couldn’t figure out how mom was able to do it on a daily basis before. It’s true what they say, you only get to fully appreciate someone when he/she is already gone. I never did get to appreciate how patient and supportive my mom was until she’s not with us anymore. I miss her so much!